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Not sure what to get [insert name here] this holiday season? Just give the gift of conviviality, of course.
WORDS Nicola Nice
Grab a bottle of wine and dust off your ugly sweater because holiday season is here. The end of year brings a gastronomic marathon from Thanksgiving to New Year that is often filled with work to-do’s, family reunions, Friendsgivings, festive dinners, glittery cocktail soirees and just about everything in between. All of which you need to show up for, and show up with your festive best.
So when heading out to a party these days, few of us would think twice about stopping into a liquor store and picking up a bottle of something boozy as a last-minute hosting gift.
The obligatory bottle of wine, Champagne or even craft spirit is an accepted—if not expected—gesture of guest etiquette in the modern entertaining era.
According to the centennial edition of the quintessential guide to manners and social behavior, Emily Post’s Etiquette, edited by her great-great-grandchildren, Lizzie Post and Daniel Post Senning, alcohol is the “classic” hosting gift. It represents gratitude for the invitation, appreciation for the host’s efforts and is sort of an implicit payment in kind for the hospitality on offer.
More importantly, liquor is a universally recognized symbol of conviviality. Even if a host chooses not to open the gift right away—and they are not socially obliged to do so—the celebratory sentiment is almost always well received.
With a renewed attention to craft, the focus has become less about label or price and more about quality and care.
Despite the ubiquity of gifting alcohol in American culture, however, it is still a relatively new tradition. Indeed, back in the peak of the dinner-party era of the late-nineteenth century, when a 16-course dinner party constituted an average Saturday night out, it would have been unthinkable for a hostess to accept Champagne for her roast course or rum for her Roman punch from one of her esteemed guests. Such an act would have been viewed as an insult to her ability and status as a host, as well as to her financial standing. As late as the 1930s, Emily Post herself continued to scorn the idea as “equivalent to a bribe or payment for hospitality” and “quite rude.”
It was not until the 1950s that views began to change, when the old formal dinner parties were replaced with much more casual and accessible cocktail parties. To impress during the midcentury, all a hostess needed to do was focus on her mixing skills—both people and cocktails—rather than unrealistic or unattainable cooking skills.
It’s not surprising then that it was during the midcentury that barware overtook cookware as the most desirable household gift for newly engaged or married couples.
Guest behaviors also evolved in tandem with the changing etiquette of their hosts. No longer waiting awkwardly at a dining table for food to be served, party guests were now mingling and getting to know each other, and even pouring drinks for each other.
Consequently, what was being drunk was also now a talking point. With the growth in mass consumerism, alcohol brands became as much a symbol of wealth and social status as any fashion label. The alcohol you served sent a message to those around you about who you were and, more importantly, what you could afford.
This glamorization of booze reached its peak in the 1980s and ’90s, when arriving to a party with anything less than a bottle of ultra-premium vodka or luxury Champagne might be enough to get you kicked off the invite list for next year.
Fortunately, throughout the last 20 years, societal values around the gifting of alcohol have moved on. With a renewed attention to craft, the focus has become less about label or price and more about quality and care.
For example, instead of a single bottle of booze, party guests today might bring a pre-prepared cocktail they made themselves, or something without alcohol at all. As non-drinking is finally becoming less stigmatized, alternative beverage options such as tea, coffee, homemade cordials, and no- and low-alcohol social drinks are just as likely to be welcome as any bottle of wine.
Moving beyond beverages, traditional food gifts such as candies, chocolates, nuts, jams and condiments continue to be apropos, as do cocktail paraphernalia such as glassware, cocktail napkins and coasters.
And according to Emily Post’s great-great-grandchildren, even cannabis now has a role to play. Refreshingly, and somewhat surprisingly, “the joint to share” is recommended in their centennial update to Emily Post’s Etiquette as the perfect hosting gift for the right kind of host. Certainly a bottle of infused goodness is sure to make an appearance in the next round of revisions.
In the end, the gift of the bar is not really about alcohol at all, but the offer of conviviality. The most valuable gift of all is surely the gift of good cheer. And so, may it be in abundance for all who give and receive this holiday season.
This article was published in the Winter 2024 issue of Full Pour. Don’t own it? Pick one up today!